Do you know family or friends who are divided because of their beliefs? I do. When they get together, is there an underlying tension? Is there an obvious lack of regard for each other’s opinions or judgment? Do you avoid certain topics to keep from offending others or simply to avoid conflict?

Why is it so hard to respect people whose beliefs we think are wrong? Why do differences in beliefs sometimes divide even families and close friends?

I suggest we need to examine this question in two ways. By examining our own attitudes and observing the behavior of others.

Part of the problem may be our attitude and unwarranted high regard for our own opinions. In that case we need to inhale a large dose of humility.  Perhaps we are not really listening to understand what others believe but only to advance our own beliefs. Whether we agree with someone else or not our  first purpose should be to understand why they hold their positions.  Much of the time there is more common ground than we thought.  From a religious perspective, all of us are created in the image of God and deserve respect unless actions determine otherwise.

That brings me to the second reason we may lose respect for others.  Conceivably  we have observed behavior that is unworthy of respect. Strident, vociferous statements of beliefs can become obnoxious. Such behavior obscures any valid points in favor of their positions. Perhaps the other person has not done the necessary work to substantiate their position with facts..  Lack of competence over time can erode respect.  Though, I have found that one should never underestimate others intelligence but never overestimate ones knowledge of the facts.  Respect for the worth of the person is not the same as respect for this beliefs, judgement or their behavior

But why should these differences cause divisions among family members and friends .  I have observed that some with strong beliefs take disagreements as personal attacks.  Instead of really listening for understanding, their beliefs are so emotionally grounded, it seems impossible to comprehend what others are trying to say.  When others feel personally attacked, they rarely wish to endure that for long. Separation and avoidance may seem the prudent course to follow

Sometimes actual division among those with different beliefs are the result of all of us being human. The old saying is “oil and water don’t mix.”  My experience with group dynamics and administering personality tests, tells me certain personality types tend to “talk past” each other. Each has trouble understanding the other. Natural separation occurs. 

Another source of division occurs when people hold fundamentally incompatible moral convictions or ideologies. One can readily see this in their opposing positions on abortion. Yet disagreement, even over fundamental moral issues, need not eliminate respect for the other person.

So, what is to be done to increase respect for others with different view.   Respecting someone does not require accepting their beliefs, approving their behavior, or abandoning our own convictions. Limited relationships or division may  occurs when this rule is abandoned.